To be honest, school is not for me. I never even wanted to go to college. The only reason I am here is because my parents made me go. I am obligated to finish because I spent so much money and I am close to graduation. People reminisce about college as their "Golden Years" I wont. Maybe I would have liked college more if I went to VCU from the start. I never cared about school. Somehow I manged to get great grades and even got into honor society. I did not even try on the SATs nor cared to see my score. This was because I knew I was going to go to community college. That may have been where I went wrong. Community college was an awful experience. The vibe their was creepy and the people were weird. Nobody talked in class, and everyday was get in and get out. am suprised I made a few friends at that place. At least I saved money.
Because I was in community college, I was an outcast. I Transferred to VCU in 2017 and had no friends. It was hard meeting people when everyone is already established. I felt like a freshman trying to be cool with seniors. Nobody wanted me around. People shunned me like I was a criminal. Maybe I would've adapted better if my social skills weren't ruined. I was always shy and introverted. Luckily I had friends in high school to get me out of my shell. Community college conditioned me to talk even less. Classes there were literally silent, no human interaction. Instead everyone was on their phone with a demeanor expressing their lack of desire to be there. VCU lead me into a deep spiral of depression. I had no friends. I was wasting money on a degree I had no desire of getting. My grades were slipping. There was no purpose for me being here. There still isn't. Once I get this stupid piece of paper known as a degree, I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll work at a job that I hate for some company I don't care about. Maybe I'll win the lottery and live the luxury life I want. Maybe I'll just kill myself.
I've tried suicide before in the past and I failed. When that happened I knew that I was meant to be here for a reason. Deep down I know school is not related to that reason in any way, shape, or form. This Information Systems degree that is nearly in my grasp is simply a plan b just in case things fall out with my plan a. The true passion. The true purpose. The thing that keeps me alive and going. This would be my passion for the arts. I've always loved art, ever since I was a kid. Through out the years I have worked in many various forms of art. As a young child and preteen, I spent my time drawing and painting with different styles and mediums. At age 13, I wrote poetry and my first song. At age 14, I began learning digital and computer arts, as well as animation. When I was 18 I recorded a song behind a microphone for the first time ever. When I was 20, I started selling my artwork and made very slight income. At 21, I started designing my own clothes, and recieved many compliments for my work. At age 22 I started photography, videography, and video editing. And in 2019, I figured out that this is everything that I'll ever want to do. I'm in so much pain everyday, suffering from various mental illnesses. I know that I am not alone. And it is because I am not alone, that I must do what I do. I gotta keep fighting to show the kids just like me to never give up. Art is the only way to get out all of that pain and emotion. I know people will be able to relate to everything that I do, because I put my all into anything I attach my name to. I will keep going. I will keep creating. It will all pay off one day when I reach the levels I know im destined for. Until then, I just gotta deal with this IT stuff and the BS 9-5 lifestyle for as long as it takes to make enough to invest in myself and my dreams.
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